Do you love installing oak flooring in leafy, wealthy North Shore suburbs? Do you love to be paid below the national hourly rate for your work? Were you ever in a union that paid you quite a bit more for your work than you’re willing to earn now? Are you over 35? Yes? THEN THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!
If you answered yes to all of the above questions and you also lack self-respect, are desperate for money and don’t care about devaluing the cost of labor in your industry, then please apply for this shit job immediately.
Hopefully this example shows you, our dear readers, that we don’t just whine about jobs for coddled Millennial college graduates. No, we take offense at every kind of low-balling there is out there in the job market, whether it’s laborers, Wal-Mart workers (don’t even get us started!!!) or the lowest slime of them all, journalists and graphic designers ;-)
Without further delay, let us look at today’s shit job in more detail:
I need to hire one master journeyman oak flooring installer……lots of work….2 months solid…..must do trim and ..cabanets …..must do hardwood….must be over 35….will not budge on that…..must prove you were a union floor installer…..18.50 an hour…cash….at the end of day….or week you choose……only real flooring installers please apply
Where to begin?
First of all, the writer of this ad managed to achieve their enviable station in life without learning proper use of the English language. But there’s nothing new there.
Second, they WILL NOT BUDGE on you being 35 or over. They will fight you to the death on that one, carpenters. Why, if you are about to turn 35 next month when you come around asking about this job, you will promptly be shown the door. Don’t even bother trying! Why is this person obsessed with getting someone older you ask? Your guess is as good as ours.
Then you have to prove you were a union installer. This is akin to proving that you used to eat steak every night before you will be allowed to touch SPAM. A union, boys and girls, would have paid you a decent wage most likely, unlike this person.
A union would have paid significantly higher than $18.50/hr which is MORE THAN A FULL DOLLAR below the national average for carpenters, some of whom aren’t even in unions. Let’s contrast that with the average earnings of a Wilmette resident which is $168,832 per year (source). So these aren’t exactly folks that can’t afford to shell out the national average for a carpenter. But you know, I guess times are tough even in Wilmette. You can only afford 2 cars now instead of 3 and you had to fire your gardener and Molly is getting a Jeep for her 16th birthday instead of a BMW… I mean, it’s a RECESSION.
Finally, these friends of the working man in Wilmette are going to pay you in cash which means, you guessed it, you’re on your own for health insurance, personal injury, or any of that other fun stuff that comes with working for a union or some other formal entity.
So carpenters, RUN, do not walk to apply for this job.
Thank you to reader Rob Kenobi for pointing us to this ad.